Things that Most Competent Adults Already Know that I Just Recently Found out About:

Gabby Della Pesca
Gabby Della Pesca

How to pump my own gas.

No, I’m not a spoiled princess who travels around with a gas pumping servant (actually, that sounds awesome, sign me up!). I’m just from New Jersey!  Whenever I tell people that you can’t pump your own gas in Jersey, they immediately and without question assume that the reason is because New Jersians are just too diva fabulous to pump their own gas. I would just like to say that stereotypes like that are hurtful. The real reason is actually because NJ tax/insurance laws dictate that people wearing more than 2.3 oz of hairspray are legally too flammable to be near gasoline….  the more you know.

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If this doesn’t just fill you with pride, then you are a robot who is not from New Jersey…

That you can bring food through airport security.

I always assumed that if you tried to bring anything edible onto a plane, you would be tackled, arrested for treason, sent to treason jail, etc. Do you know how many perfectly good half-eaten bags of Cheez-Its I have thrown away thinking I couldn’t bring them through security?!?! There is one exception to this rule and that is yogurt—the TSA has a zero tolerance policy on yogurt (I have a 100 percent tolerance policy on yogurt… hence my issue). That being said, I would like to meet the terrorist that transports weapons of mass destruction in a low-fat key lime pie flavored Yoplait… I could totally take on that terrorist.

The face of terrorism.
The face of terror.

How to buy/eat food in regular human sized portions.

Growing up in a big family, I was always used to buying and cooking in absurd portions and serving sizes. A sample grocery list for my family might look like this: two wheels of cheese, 5 pounds of pasta, 8,500 slices of prosciutto — and that’s just dinner! Now that I am living on my own, I’ve learned to scale it down just a little bit, but I definitely learned the hard way. (Note to self: Do not buy a gallon of milk for just yourself and then try to drink the whole thing before it goes bad.) I’m slowly but surely getting the hang of cooking for me instead of an army!

This is a real life Della Pesca family meal... the struggle is real.
This is a real life Della Pesca family meal… the struggle is real.

My blood type.

According to my mother, this is something that all adults should know for many reasons. There are probably a number of legitimate ways a person could find this information, but I chose to find out through the American Red Cross since I donate through them as often as I can. Interestingly enough, it turns out that my blood type is Unicorn-Gold Positive! I found this out because the American Red Cross has taken to calling me approximately 15 times a minute because they just can’t get enough of my precious Unicorn-Gold blood. Recently, they have started calling me from several different numbers—it’s gotten to stage 5 clinger status! This is how I have their number(s) saved in my phone so that when they call me 1,930,302 times a day, people will think I’m cool:

The emoticon on the left represents me holding hands with Beyoncé.  The one on the right represents music because Beyoncé… (Note to self: If you type Beyoncé too many times it starts to look weird... remember to tell her that next time she calls!)
The emoticon on the left represents me holding hands with Beyoncé. The one on the right represents music because Beyoncé… (Note to self: If you type Beyoncé too many times it starts to look weird… remember to tell her that next time she calls!)

If I learn anything else, I will make sure to update you all so that you can continue to learn from my struggles (you’re welcome!).

Until next time,

Gabby

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