Here I Am

One of the first things I ever learned about myself is that I am a daydreamer. I spend a lot of time in my head both imagining the future and revisiting the past. After years of fine tuning these habits, I have become rather introspective in nature. Perhaps one of the reasons I was so drawn to the idea of being a leadership consultant was because I’ve never been good at staying in one place, both physically and mentally.  I spent my childhood envisioning adventure, and as I grew older I began to put those plans in action. From the start, being a leadership consultant has consisted of putting those plans to use, one after another. Even so, I have found myself caught up in a rendezvous with my excitement for the next adventure before the current one had yet to conclude. I began to realize that sometimes, as a dreamer, I forget one very important piece; the now. I have always been so focused on the grandeur of these ideas that I rarely stopped to celebrate where I actually was. I needed an anchor- something to help keep me grounded in the present when I noticed myself becoming lost in my head. After a bit of thinking, one word came to mind. The word ‘Hineini’ is a Hebrew word meaning ‘Here I Am’. I have known this word for years, but other than an understanding of its practical usage it never really stood out to me. Hineini is found in the Torah a few times, and in each instance it serves as a marker for something pivotal. This word, this phrase, means something. It is a way to declare yourself in a larger sense. Hineini quickly became my anchor. I asked one of my best friends to design the word on a sticker for me, and she created a beautiful one. As soon as the sticker arrived in my mailbox, I knew I needed to place it somewhere I would see it all the time. It rests now on my work laptop, just beneath the keyboard, facing me. Now, whenever I take a mental detour from where I am, I look at the word Hineini and come back to reality. It reminds me to open my eyes, take a pause, and look around. Whenever I get overly stressed or anxious, I read the word and I am reminded of how incredible it is to be where I am, wherever I am. While I haven’t stopped daydreaming of the next thrill, embracing the word Hineini has helped me get comfortable staying in one place for a little while. Being mentally in the moment has become an adventure of its own.

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